The Wife of the Wedding Celebrant To Be

Jazzy Jeff:I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart, down in my heart. I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart to stay. And I’m so happy, so very happy, I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart…♫ (And so on)

Betty: Hey Jazzy Jeff, you know how you like music and stuff…

Jazzy Jeff: Yeah.

Betty: And you know how you like to sing those crazy non-Catholic hymns that I’ve never heard and stuff.

Jazzy Jeff: Yeah.

Betty: Well I was thinking, what with how you once were a Pentecostal and spoke in Tongues and stuff, that you should start your own church. But it couldn’t be all 7th Heaven with me, the little missus, in the front pew every week with her brood of pearly white children – seven of ‘em. I don’t think I could do that.

Jazzy Jeff: Have seven children?

Betty: No, show up to church every week, glowing. I mean, I’ve seen you give power-of-positive-thinking type speeches to your work colleagues and, like, not that they weren’t really good speeches, especially for being off-the-cuff and all, but man, it was a freaky other side of you I don’t want to see ever again.

Jazzy Jeff: Oh, but you’re prepared to have seven offspring?

Betty: Well if the choice is between that or sitting in the front pew and watching you deliver sermons every week, I think I’m prepared to have the seven ankle biters.

Jazzy Jeff: Or what if I just become a marriage celebrant?

Betty: And because you like to sing so much, maybe you could be, like, a singing celebrant.

Jazzy Jeff: That’s a really good idea. I’ll go online now and check it out.

Betty: Good idea. Jazzy Jeff?

Jazzy Jeff: Yeah, Betty, my child.

Betty: Would I have to come to the ceremonies?

Jazzy Jeff: Nah. You wouldn’t even know the bride and groom.

Betty: Ok. I think you’ll make a great marriage celebrant.

Jazzy Jeff:If tomorrow all the things were gone, I’d worked for all my life. And I had to start again, with just my children and my wife. I’d thank my lucky stars, to be livin’ here today. ‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom, and they can’t take that away. And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I wont forget the men who died, who gave that right to me. (not a hymn, exactly, but curiously, a favourite of Jazzy’s)

And it was so. Jazzy Jeff did study diligently. And he did pass his assessments with only a few to go. And he has already booked his first wedding. But perhaps I can pick the hymns.