Day 14 – October 14 2018

BP 128/70

I have a Sunday alone so I decide to do some work on my values.

Here’s what mine seem to be:
Freedom
Knowledge
Communication

I did some online tests to be certain. Obviously online values tests will be accurate, but they seem to be in my case.
But I always ask if these answers are based on now or on the knowledge you think you have of yourself, you know? We get stuck in a loop, maybe? But I’ll go with these.

Then there are some questions we went through in group:
What have been my peak experiences?

  1. Traveling to the US to study
  2. Making beautiful thing like embroidered toys and beaded jewellery
  3. Writing in French phonetics – I actually got a thrill doing this
  4. Going to great concerts and gigs – big and small – Muse in Prague, Radiohead at the Hollywood Bowl, Peaches at Big Day Out, Clare Bowditch at the Builders, Courtney Barnett at RRR
  5. Hearing new music for the first time and feeling completely overwhelmed – this happened the first time I heard Sia’s Breathe Me, and Courtney Barnett’s Depreston.

  6. Publishing my books – This feels like it *should* be here but I’m not 100% sure. I know that writing them were peak experiences.

The values I was honouring around these peak times:

  • Creativity
  • Curiosity
  • Knowledge
  • Independence
  • Freedom

Suppressed Values – When have I been angry or upset – then flip it to reveal what value was suppressed.

  1. Growth of the business with so many staff
    • Suppressed value – independence
  2. Relying on others to make something happen – like walking the dogs, having fun while travelling (this seems obscure, but, you know…) – because I feel like I won’t do it without them. Like when your gym buddy can’t go and you’re disappointed and won’t go either, like it’s their fault.
    • Suppressed values – curiosity, independence, freedom, joy
  3. When someone has a belief that is so completely against mine, but it feels to me that they don’t have a real reason to feel the way they do, as if I feel it’s just a trend.
    • Suppressed Values – Curiosity, freedom, independence
  4. My inability to make goals or stick to plans or remember things, or maintain a diary/planner
    • Suppressed values – Curiosity, creativity, knowledge
  5. Whenever I’m complimented (or my mother tells me that I’m “the best” anything).
    • Suppressed value – I thought it was Independence but now I’ wondering if it’s not just curiosity or some sort of false humility. I’m just not sure why.
  6. Not finishing things – DipEd, Photography Cert, Canine Myotherapy Cert, etc etc
    • Suppressed values – Knowledge, curiosity, excitement, freedom, creativity

Code of Conduct – what’s most important in my life?

Creative self expression, which is the wanky way of saying: Knowledge and its creative communication.

I get really angry at friends or anyone who doesn’t want to try something new or interesting because I feel they’re missing out and I want them to have excellent experiences too.

I remember this one time when Jeff took our neighbour’s kids to the Show and I begged them to go on the scariest rides even if they were too frightened to. I virtually had a fight with these kids about it. Jeff told me later that he explained to them why I was so angry with them when they told me they wouldn’t go on the scary rides. He told them: Jo just wants you to experience everything, even if it’s scary, just to know what it’s like.

This, I think, is the value that’s missing for me right now.