I don’t know about you, but sometimes I’ll be watching a film and I’ll be, like, “Man, I wish I had written that screenplay.”

Like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 

Or I’ll be listening to a song and think: “Man, I wish I’d come up with that lyric.”

Like:

“…Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on Angel Hair and babys breath
Broken hymen of your highness I’m left black
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back”
(Nirvana – Heart Shaped Box)

Or I’ll be watching a TV show or film and think: “Man, I wish I’d written thay line.”

Like this classic from Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead:

and: “God! What is your childhood trauma?!” (Cordelia to Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Or I’ll be reading a book and think, “Man, I wish I’d written that book.”

Like: Stasiland by Anna Funder and Hollywood Ending (aka John Belushi is Dead) by Kathy Charles

Seriously, Hollywood Ending is like nothing I’ve read of late. It’s set in one of my favourite places in the world, LA, and even though I’m only halfway in, it captures the voices of local and bored kids who have that nuanced way of looking at the world and avoiding themselves thanks to all of the shit they surround themselves with. I love a tale told with sad irony. I love the jaded descriptions of faded Hollywood. Of old folks with long memories and young folks with nothing to do. Of D-listers hanging out in West Hollywood in the hope of being discovered by the paparazzi. It’s spunky writing by Kathy Charles. I wish I’d written it.

But anyway, here’s something I DO wish I’d written, and, um, I actually did.

http://www.litterboxmagazine.com/fiction.php (hint – I’m not one of the guys)