I SWEAR THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TODAY

You really can’t make this shit up…

My friend and neighbour, J’Red, who’s also a cop, calls out over the fence:


J’Red: Hey Betty!
Me
 (Quite concerned. I don’t like his tone. Something’s afoot): What is it J’Red?
J’Red: Listen, I just got a call from Fitzy that people have been door knocking–
Me
 (interrupting): Freaking politicians – it’s that damned election next week.
J’Red: No, not that sort of door knocking. Two people are knocking on peoples’ doors to see if anyone’s home.
Me
 (furrowed brow): Are they dressed as nuns?
J’Red
 (he and his misses, T’Red, are quite used to me and JJ now): What? They’re junkies or something. Fitzy’s called the cops. I just thought with JJ away–
Me: You’ve been
 talking to my mum, haven’t you?
J’Red: Seriously. What are you talking about? Just lock your doors.

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