A Final Word about Eggs and Pineapple

So Jazzy Jeff and I headed across to the beach on the long weekend. Just to chill out, give the puppies bad haircuts and carry them nimbly across rocks and boulders and watch them pound the waves right after I’d given them a bath. Not that I’m complaining.

Anyway, whenever I go on a holiday, be it an overseas jaunt or just some beige trip to the coast, I tend to look at it as an OPPORTUNITY TO REDEFINE MY LIFE. So far, I haven’t done a very good job. There was the time when I thought I could concentrate hard while chanting “what’s my life mission” under my breath. All I could think about was that I like animals. Not life changing. And rather obvious. Then there was that time when Jazzy Jeff and I decided to stay up all day and all night and all day after dancing for a number of hours and maybe behaving a bit like the people our mothers told us to stay away from. We decided that we were gunnas, not doers. That WAS life changing. We sort of became doers.

But this weekend smelled a little different, what with all of the stuff that’s been going on this year. So I forced the situation and said, “lookit JJ, I get the feeling that you don’t really want to be a dad.”

JJ: “Well we’re giving it a mighty good go there, Betty.”

Betty: “Yes, we have spent a bit of money and it seems we’ll have to spend some more to get those eggs cracking, what with the price of pineapple at Safeway.”

JJ: “Well B, we said we’d give it five goes and we have two left. Let’s see what happens.”

And that’s when I twigged. Well, I don’t want to pop out a sprog just because we got lucky after 4 goes because we decided to see if it panned out. I guess I always knew that it wasn’t in Jazzy’s heart. So we made the decision, I’ve cancelled the appointment and I’m now going to revel in my friends’ bellies – so many of them! I’m going to make them some cool coming out presents and totally become the parents’ friends they want to kick it with when they’re older.

So, back to redefining my life. So I asked Jazzy Jeff that same old question:

Betty: “Jazzy Jeff?”

Jazzy: “Hmm?”

Betty: “Jazzy Jeff, what’s your life’s passion.”

Jazzy: (Rolling his eyes in that oh no, she wants to have THAT talk AGAIN) “Well Betty, I just want to be happy.”

Betty: “Don’t you think that’s a bit 80s? I mean, what about everyone else.”

Jazzy: “Well they can bask in my glow.”

It’s like last night’s episode of House, the one where the man was super super nice and his wife says that his niceness makes her better. It’s true. Honest.

We clamber over some rocks and I get my cloth shoes soaked. Yoyo starts to whine a little and I pick her up.

And I start to wonder what happens when a woman decides to quit the reproduction biz and goes back to everyday life. What to expect when you’re not expecting. I have no idea and I’m a little anxious.