Day 15 – October 15

BP 120/80 – How ordinary

Questions for my shrink today:

  1. Why am I still here?
  2. What do you expect I will learn here?
  3. Do you know that nothing has changed in my routine since I got here (except I’m sleeping more)? I work all day, stay in my room hidden away, get angry at people etc
  4. Is there anything wrong with hiding away?

I’ve been listening to A LOT of Cold Chisel these past few weeks, literally falling asleep to them in my ears, then waking up in the middle of the night with them still going in my ears and I’ve loved it. I no longer feel embarrassed about it. They music is raw and loud and rough, like me, I think.

It reminds me of when I was still living at home, a teenager, I did exactly the same with whatever band I was into at the time. But as I fell asleep, I would fantasise that I was the singer or lead guitarist. Anyway, I had this record player that my folks still have, and it played both sides of the record – not by flipping it over though. The stylus moved over and around to the bottom of the record and would play it upside down. How’s that for 80s technology – I can’t even find a you tube video of one.

I championed my “healing” today, given the dramas of the last few days.

I sat in the common room (with my headphones in playing at full volume) not wanting to kill the people who were talking across the room over me – PROGRESS!

It was hours before I asked for my Diazepam.

Seriously, though, I don’t think Valium works on me anymore. I did accuse them, early on, of giving me placebos but they said it would be illegal, yadda yadda.

My appetite is back, unfortunately. There I was hoping that I would lose weight at this resort!