Day 20 – October 20th 2018

I’m still living as a bit of a hermit, avoiding eye contact.

The weekends are boring. No group sessions, so I spent today watching episodes of Episodes and LoLing out loud.

I’ve made plans for the immediate future, small ones, setting the bar low. I wonder if three weeks in here have actually done anything more than just managed my change of meds in a safe environment, out of harm’s way. Out of everyone’s way. Jeff couldn’t have managed it.

I’m calmer, less angry, less aggro. It feels like less me. Jeff tells me that it feels like the old me, when we had more conversations, but I chalk that down to the lack of distractions, and better meds. I fear they’ll wear off eventually. They always do, and we have to go through this whole shemozzle all over again.

I wonder what it will be like when I get home? Will I stop hiding? Will I come out of the room? Will I actually sit outside and watch the clouds roll past? Will I write? Will I play with the cats, the dogs? Will I pick flowers? Will I go to trivia nights or do crosswords again? What a small, small life I seem to be planning.